Bamboo Balance: Bending Without Breaking

Let's be real! Balance sounds like a lovely concept, but for most of us (especially parents and especially if you're raising a neurodiverse child), it feels about as achievable as a tidy house on a Monday morning.

We're constantly pulled in a million directions - work, school, tantrums, therapy appointments, homework battles, trying to remember if we fed the dog, and somewhere in between, attempting to be functional to fit in among the humans. And when people say, "You just need to find balance," it is hard not to laugh (or cry depending on the day).

But maybe, balance isn't about achieving some magical state of calm where everything is perfectly in tune in perfect harmony. Maybe it's about learning to sway with the chaos, just like bamboo - strong but flexible, rooted but adaptable.

The Myth of Perfect Balance

People love to talk about "work life balance" as if it's some kind of beautifully colour coded planner where you evenly distribute your energy like a well scheduled yoga retreat. The truth? Balance is messy. It's dynamic. Some days, you absolutely crush it and you come home feeling like you are boss. Other days, you're eating cold toast while your child is having a meltdown because their socks are not the right ones.

And...that... is...okay.

For neurodiverse children, balance looks different, therefore our balance looks different. Some days they thrive in structured environments; other days, their nervous system feels like a full blown rebellion. A child with ADHD may hyperfocus on building a lego masterpiece for hours but struggle to sit still for five minutes of homework. A child with autism may find comfort in predictability but become completely overwhelmed by a the simplest change in routine.

The trick isn't forcing a version of balance that doesn't fit - it's adapting to the one that does.

How to Build Your Own Bamboo Balance

1. Prioritise Like Your Sanity Depends on It (Because IT Does)

Not everything needs to happen right now. Yes, the laundry is piling up. Yes, your child's teacher just sent you another email. But before you spiral, ask yourself a question...

If I ignore this for 24 hours, will it still matter? (because let's be honest here, some things feel like a crisis in the moment but are generally forgotten by tomorrow).

Am I doing this because it's necessary, or because I feel like 'should'? (you know, I feel like society likes to pile a whole lot of "should" onto parents. Spoiler alert: not all of them are actually important).

Will my child remember this moment in a year - or even in a week? (will there be a lasting impact? Some battles are just not worth it... simples).

If I say no to this, what do I get to say yes to instead? (because time and energy are finite, and choosing peace over perfection is a power move).

Sometimes, balance means letting go of the things that don't matter in the grand scheme of life. (And yes, sometimes that means cereal for dinner. No shame).

2. Embrace the Chaos with Flexibility

If there's one thing parenting a neurodiverse child teaches you, it's that life will never go as planned. Ever.

The school run will be interrupted by a sock crisis. Your perfectly laid out routine will be thrown off because your child decided today is the day they develop a deep, soul crushing hatred for their once favourite food. Bamboo doesn't fight the wind - it moves with it. So instead of clinging to rigid expectations, try rolling with the unexpected. Adjust. Adapt. Laugh (or cry) and move on.

3. Give Yourself (and Your Child(ren)) Room to Breathe

Ever noticed a pattern of children becoming extra difficult when they are overtired? Overstimulated? Emotionally fried? It's the same for us, we become harder to be around.

Neurodiverse children often experience the world in HD so everything is louder. Everything is brighter. It's a lot. Sensory overload is real and at times is very real for us all at certain times - when I have a migraine, lights are too bright, noise is too much, I need to shut down and sleep to reset. We understand our bodies, most neurodiverse children do not, so they will lash out, melt down or even go so silent they've shut us out.

Instead of pushing through, sometimes the best thing you can do is pause. Let them retreat and allow for the space they need to reset. Believe it or not, these moments are sometimes the best moments for us to take a moment for ourselves too. They are working through something, we can take a minute to reset too - granted it is not always possible.

4. Setting Boundaries Like a Pro (Without the Guilt Trip)

You can't run on fumes forever, eventually the engine gives out but most parents will continue to try, heck I'm writing this and I'm tired but I know it is the only time I can fit this in. I'm running on caffeine and sheer willpower, probably not a great tactic.

Balance means knowing when to say no, No, you cannot sign up for every school event. No you do not need to answer emails at 10pm, no one ever actually expects a response at that time. No, your child does not need to be in every single extra curricular activity taking up all of your weekend.

Saying no is not selfish. It is survival.

5. Growth Takes Time (And So Do We)

Bamboo grows quickly, but only because their roots are strong. The same way you cannot rush your child's development, you cannot rush finding balance. Some days will just be hard and you will feel like you are constantly walking into a brick wall, but that doesn't last forever. Some days are great and you remember why you are doing what you are doing.

All children grow at their own pace and neurodiverse children grow at whatever pace they need to. Some days, they'll surprise you with their progress and other days, well... they'll regress. You will start wondering if anything is actually working but it is and you cannot rush the process.

Their progress isn't measured in straight lines, and neither is yours, so we need to normalise that!

Balance, But Make It Realistic

So maybe balance isn't about getting everything perfect. What is perfection anyway? Maybe it is about learning to not break under the weight of what we think is expected based on society.

Some days, you'll feel like everything is working together nicely, you've got it together, you are bossing it. Other days, you will be eating chocolate in the bathroom while your child watches endless nursery rhymes on YouTube, probably longer than you'd care to admit but if that's you... you're not alone. Both scenarios are fine because both are balance.

© 2025 Jaya Narinesingh – Bamboo | All Rights Reserved